Adam Sandler & The 100 Girl Harem
by ZexEios
Summary: "You, Adam Sandler... Are to create a harem!" Sent into the realm of anime, Adam Sandler is told that he needs to create a harem consisting of 100 girls. If he can do that, he will be allowed to return back home. Strange characters, weird environments, and going back to high school - can our protagonist become a harem king?
1. Chapter 1

The movie business is a harsh place, with people doing whatever they can to get ahead. There isn't a top dog actor or director out there that isn't above stooping down to sabotage or blackmail to make an extra million on an abhorrent movie. Now, I wouldn't consider myself a saint, but I know I'm definitely better than these people. I make and perform pure art, and the only reason I receive scalding reviews is because these same actors and directors are out to keep me down - I mean, 'Click' was obviously a masterpiece of a movie, deserving nothing less than a 10/10. For the most part, I ignore these people, knowing that my movies are reaching true appreciators of art. This formula has persisted for years, however just the other day I received information that could very well tip the scales of this war in my favour. It was an address I received from a fan, and I was told the man who lived there had the same mindset as me. Knowing this was destiny calling out to me, I headed to the address without a moment's hesitation. It is now that I find myself at a large gate outside of a huge mansion, one that truly puts any other building to shame. The courtyard had a massive fountain that could and surely was used as a swimming pool. The courtyard itself had such green and lush scenery, complete with large trees and even wildlife, that it could be classified as a forest. The mansion literally stretched forever in every conceivable and inconceivable direction. Every single window had the lustre of a diamond, and stained glass was a common sight on the building's walls. The entire view moved me deeply, but I knew I would have to take in its magnificence at a later date. There was important business to be dealt with, so I held back on my gawking. I press the button on a buzzer nearby, expecting a security guard's voice to sound from the system. Instead, I was met with an intense gust of wind that nearly dropped me to the floor. Dust flew into the air, obscuring everything in what seemed like a full kilometer radius. After recovering my balance and allowing the dust around to settle, I soon found myself face to face with a man that can not be described in just a few words. He was no less than 9 feet tall, with muscles so large and prominent you could swear he was made out of pure marble. His skin was perfectly tanned, and he was completely covered in oil, except it seemed like the oil was a permanent fixture of his body. He was bald, and his face, in expression and complexion, was a perfect embodiment of godliness and ecstasy. He wore nothing but a dangerously small leaf over his genitals. The man radiated light from his body, as though he was challenging the sun itself. Looking at this man long enough would surely cause blindness, or even death.

"You are... Adam Sandler, yes?" The living statue asked.

"Uh, yeah, but how did you know my name?"

"I Am. Thus, I know." He replied.

A strange silence passed between us. 'Godly' didn't even begin to describe the air this wonder exuded.

"Come. We have much to discuss." The man turned, strutting with extravagance towards the mansion.

Following after him, I had an unobstructed view of his finely-toned ass. It put the greatest of pop stars to true shame. As we entered the mansion, I found the interior to be as grand as the exterior. A massive golden statue of the unknown man served not only as the centerpiece to the room, but seemingly to the entire estate as well. The statue had an innumerable height that easily overshadowed the tallest of skyscrapers, and the diameter of the stand it rested upon could easily cover football fields. There were many other wonders in the form of staircases, paintings, sculptures, chandeliers, and carpets, however at this point the pure absurdity of how incredible this place was left me too amazed and annoyed to fully take in everything around me. After traveling several marathons at the strange man's powerful and exhausting pace, I was finally brought to a room deep inside the mansion. The room was surprisingly tame in comparison to the rest of the mansion. In fact, the room was too simple, by any standard. It was a perfectly cubical room with white walls and no furniture besides a fairly nice looking yet plain office chair, and a stool that, quite frankly, was shitty. One of its 3 legs was broken off, so it didn't even manage to stand upright, and strange stains and molds made it anything but a pleasant sight, not to mention it was child sized.

"Take a seat, Sandler." The demigod offered me.

Expecting the usual gag, I prepared to sit on the stool, but before I could make my move, I saw the strange man propping up the dysfunctional furniture for himself. He took a seat, managing to balance himself perfectly despite the awful quality of the furniture. I was fairly impressed for awhile, until I saw him struggling to maintain his balance on the stool. As he shook more and more, threatening to fall off the tiny stool, the idea that this godliness he exerted was all an act slowly crept into my brain. My disappointment reached its height when he eventually fell, and proceeded to resort to sitting on the floor.

"Take a seat, Sandler." He repeated, maintaining his ludicrous stoic expression

I headed over to the office chair and took a seat. To my surprise, however, the office chair was equally as shitty, and its supports quickly give way. After a somewhat shocking fall, I find myself on the ground with the man, who is now taking a serious tone despite the ridiculous series of recent events.

"My name is Q, and I-"

"I'm sorry, you said your name was what?"

"Q" He responded, a straight and unshaken expression on his face

"Like... Like the letter Q?"

"Yes"

"Huh... Alright"

"You are Adam Sandler, and I know all about your bad movies."

"Hey, hold on now. I don't know what you've heard, but I make great movies."

"I know you've been looking for a way to get out of this rut of yours." He continued, completely ignoring me.

"Hey, like I said, there's nothing wrong with my movies. It's just the business giving me a hard time, you know?"

"Fear not, my son, for I have your solution."

"A solution, eh? Well alright, show me what you've got." After saying this, a rather surprised expression appears on Q's face.

"Show... You? What I have? Is that what you want?"

"Uh... Yeah?"

Q began quivering slightly, apparently moved by what I had said. He quickly wiped away a tear, and exploded with what I can only explain as pure, untainted human passion.

"Very well! Adam Sandler, I shall show you all that I have!"

Time seemed to slow down as the little that was around us faded away into black. With one fluid movement, Q moved his right arm from his shoulder down to his crotch, producing afterimages as he moved. He removed the small leaf found at his nether regions, and for some reason I couldn't turn away from what he was about to expose to me. As the leaf was removed, a brilliant light shone from his crotch. I was blinded completely, yet I couldn't help but continue to stare. It was as if the light was expanding, absorbing me and all that was around me. As the light seemed to encompass the entire universe, I managed to blink in the middle of Q's magnificence, and in the short time it took to close and open my eyes, the brilliant light was gone. In fact, the entire room was gone, Q along with it. As I began to take in my surroundings, I soon deduced that I was falling from the sky.


	2. Chapter 2

Terror strikes me as the ground approaches me at a rapid pace. I can't help but scream as the end of my life is laid before me. As I come near my destination, I close my eyes and brace for impact. Soon, my face hits the concrete below, taking me out instantly. At least, that's what I was expecting, but instead, I'm met with a surprisingly softer landing. Slowly reeling back from shock, I cautiously open my eyes to take in what's happened to me. Instead of striking the ground, I've managed to land in a large tree. Somehow the branches were able to break my fall without impaling or mortally wounding me. A huge sigh of relief leaves my lungs, and I chuckle slightly to myself. As I think of a way to get out of the contorted position this tree has put me in, I notice a figure on the ground close by. As I take a closer look, this figure turns out to be a young girl in a weird uniform. She has brown eyes and short brown hair, but something seems off about her. In fact, there's something off about everything around me. All the colors in this strange place are bright and saturated. The scenery is simple and missing intricate details, and overall everything looks flat. It's almost as if I'm in a cartoon or something, but that's impossible, of course. As I'm bewildered by my new surroundings, the girl below calls out to me.

"Um, are you alright up there? Do you need any help?"

"I'm alright, I guess. I can get down myself, no problem."

I wiggle in the tree a bit, trying to loosen myself up from the tree's iron grip. My struggles are in vain, unfortunately, as I end up even more tangled than before. However, I wasn't about to admit defeat to a tree, and with all the power I can muster I attempt to break the branches holding me. This produces little results, but I refuse to succumb to mother nature.

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" The girl asks me again.

"Come on. I mean, if I can't get out of this, what's a little girl like you going to do?"

I continue my lengthy battle with this overgrown shrub, but I soon hit my limit, and I lose all energy left in my body. I'm now even further entrapped in the branches, out of breath, and without any remaining will to fight. Looking ahead, I find the girl from the ground is now right in front of my face. At first I'm only slightly shocked, but when I realize she's now floating in the air, my face snaps into a dumbfounded expression. Before I can come to terms with this situation, the girl places a hand on my shoulder, making me float along with her. At this point, I'm screaming louder than when I was falling earlier. I'm gently lifted from the tree's clutches, and soon I'm brought back down to earth. I ended up landing on my ass, but I'll take it over my face being smashed in the concrete. I take a moment to recover from my recent terrifying experiences, and get a better look at exactly where I am. It seems that I've landed at a playground in the middle of a neighborhood. Although, now that I can get a better look at things, the houses and general area just doesn't look right. The style of the location is something I've never seen before, even in lower-middle-class areas. As I ponder these oddities, as well as my rival tree's eventual demise, a hand appears before me.

"Are you alright?" The strange girl says, trying to help me up.

"Yeah I'm fine." I reply, getting up without her help.

"I'm glad. What were you doing up there anyway?"

"That's not really any of your business." It's no use trying to explain my crazy origin story, anyway.

"I've never seen you here before, have you just moved here recently? My name's Uraraka Ochaco, it's nice to meet you!"

"Putting your weird name aside, my name's Adam Sandler, but you've probably heard of me."

"Nope. Never heard of you."

Her abruptness was a real kick in the balls, especially considering how nice she seemed. It's true I'm not the most popular actor out there, but I've still got a good reputation going for me. I decide to drop the subject, since it seems like it would just cause trouble for me.

"Well, I have to get to school now. I hope we see each other again!" Ochaco says cheerfully, running off to where I assume her school's located.

As she disappears into the distance, I'm left standing by myself, unsure of what I should do next. Just as I get into my thoughts, a wave of strong wind hits me. I look to find Q next to me, leaning against the tree I was just stuck in.

"You're wondering... 'Where am I', aren't you?" He inquires.

"Listen, can we just cut the bullcrap and tell me what the hell I'm doing here?" I respond.

"It's simple, Mr. Sandler. In order to improve your movie career, I have brought you to the ultimate plane of entertainment. This place, Mr. Sandler, is called 'Anime'."

"Anime? What are you talking about? That Chinese thing or whatever?"

"It's Japanese. You've noticed yourself, haven't you? Everything here looks unlike your own world. You yourself have changed as well, to blend better of course."

With a snap of his fingers, Q conjures a mirror in front of me. I take a hold of it, and look at my reflection. The sight is shocking to say the least.

"Why the hell do I look like Davey Stone from Eight Crazy Nights?"

"He looks like you, so I thought it fitting you use his form while you're here." Q replies.

"Yeah, that's another thing, how long am I supposed to be here? What am I supposed to do? Because if you guys have some sort of exit door or something you can just point that out to me."

"Fortunately for you, there is no exit from this world until you accomplish your goal. I lack the authority to roll back the decision I made to bring you here."

"Alright, fine, so what am I supposed to do here?" I, again, avoid asking troublesome questions, like who it is that this guy of all guys is supposed to answer to.

"You, Adam Sandler... Are to create a harem!"

A silence washes over us. It seems Q has a talent, or perhaps habit, of saying some pretty baffling things.

"So, when you say harem, you mean like, get down with a bunch of women?" I ask.

"More than that, you need to make them fall in love with you, Mr. Sandler. If you can collect 100 girls for your harem, then nothing will be able to stand in your way." Q gives me a thumbs up, a slightly odd gesture for him.

"That seems kind of creepy, and I don't know if I want to cheat on that many girls at once."

"Fear not, for if you do it right, all 100 members will consent to sharing you. There is no need to feel guilty when creating your harem."

Everything that Q has told me is a lot to process. I have no idea how anyone is supposed to make 100 girls fall in love with them simultaneously.

"I'm still not sure about this. I have no idea where I'm supposed to start, not to mention I don't know between left or right in this place."

"It is alright, we have arranged for you to live with a professional. He'll guide you to creating the perfect harem."

"I guess I don't really have a choice in any of this. Alright, take me to this professional of yours."

Q then heads off, and I make sure to follow closely behind him. The last thing I need is another encounter like the one I had with the floating girl. On the way, I look around and attempt to understand the oddities of this world. In general, everything is fairly similar to the real world. It's as if I've entered an alternate universe where America's gone through some sort of horrific historical event. Maybe in this universe we got nuked or something, maybe even twice. If you ask me, though, I wouldn't have stopped sending them in. After walking through some rather confusingly laid out neighborhoods, Q stops in front of a house not necessarily unlike the others.

"Here it is, simply knock on the the door and he will answer." Said Q. "As for me, I must now attend to my other duties. I wish you good luck, Mr. Sandler."

Before I could offer any questions, Q had suddenly disappeared without a sound. At this point, I'm seriously questioning my sanity, but with no other information other than the directions Q gave me, I resolve to meet this 'professional' he spoke of. I walk up to the door and give it a few taps. I wait for awhile, but no one answers. I knock a few more times, which then prompts the door to open suddenly. I'm then met with a young man in the same strange uniform the girl from before was wearing. Something that stood out was that he was wearing that gay frilly thing Austin Powers wears around his neck. He had short brown hair and glasses, and was currently playing on a handheld game console.

"Oh? You're Adam Sandler? Fine. Come in." He talks directly while keeping his eyes glued to the screen of his device. I follow him into the house, which happens to be fairly normal, all things considered. I'm led into a living room, with two couches facing each other and a table in between them. I take a seat on one of the couches, while the new character takes the seat opposite to me.

"So I hear you're going to tell me what's going on here, yeah?" I ask.

"That's correct." He replies. "We'll keep this fairly short. My name is Katsuragi Keima, the 'God of Conquest'. I'm able to conquer any girl's heart, and now I'm going to teach you how to do the same."

"Really? You? A ladies man? You can't even be out of high school yet, and you're saying you can make any girl fall in love with you?"

"That's right. Here, look."

Briefly, he shows me the screen of his device. On it, I see a girl that's in this 'anime' style that I've been told about. He returns to playing the game quickly, but I do manage to see something like an 'I love you' in a text box.

"So... You're telling me I'm taking advice from some nerd who plays games all day? No offense, but we're talking about real girls here, not some fantasy scenario."

"You'll see in due time that reality is stranger than fiction, but for now, you don't really have a choice but to go along with what I say."

He's got me there. If what Q said is true, then I'm going to be stuck here for a long time. These guys are the only connection I have, so it'd be best not to burn down my only bridge.

"Alright, you win, I'll do as you say. Where will I be staying for this... Adventure?"

"For now, you'll be staying here, in the guest bedroom. Your uniform is up there as well. Starting tomorrow, you'll be going to my school."

"Woah, wait a minute, going to school? I think I'm past that part of my life."

"Unfortunately, if you want even a chance at obtaining a 100 girl harem, you'll have to go to a common place that everyone meets up at. It just so happens that high school is that place. If you refuse, then you really will have no chance of leaving this place."

As I continue learning more and more about this place, I seem to end up with more and more questions. The best I can do is play along, but really, I have no idea what's going on anymore. If reliving high school is my only way out, then I guess I'll just have to bite the bullet and bear with it!


	3. Chapter 3

The large building before me stares me down in an attempt to scare me off. I see many people in uniforms walking around, engaging in idle chit-chatter. I spent the entire trip here steeling my nerves, and yet I'm still frozen in my tracks. Today, I'll be returning to high school, a 3 year hell no one deserves to endure twice. I try to loosen my uniform around the collar, but the tightness I feel in my throat persists. Contrary to my discomfort, Keima beside me is totally calm. In fact, he's a bit too calm, playing his games as he always has been whenever I've seen him. He seems totally addicted, to the point where I don't understand why he even bothers to come to school.

"Everything's been handled. You're a fully registered student and everything. All you have to do is get to class and take your seat." Keima tells me, still not looking from the screen.

"Yeah, I know, I'm heading to room 1-03. But how do I avoid getting lost? This place is like a maze." Although magnificent, the school grounds are rather large, and never having been here before, I'm almost guaranteed to get lost.

"Fortunately, your classroom is on the way to my own. You can just follow me for now." He heads off into the building, and I follow close behind. The hallways are filled with students moving around, chatting, heading into classrooms, and the like. A discomfort begins to form in my stomach as the atmosphere settles in around me. The realization of my situation, the seemingly impossible goal of a 100-member harem, tosses me deeper into hopelessness. I've been going with the flow this entire time, but there really is no way I can accomplish such a task. Finding some sort of loophole in this system is my only option, but no such opportunities have shown themselves to me. I simply have to play along with Q's wishes for now, and wait for an opening to escape this nightmare.

"Here it is, this is your homeroom." Keima stops abruptly, making me almost bump into him.

I look to my right and see a classroom that looks just like all the others. Above it is a sign titling it 1-03.

"I'll be off, then." Keima turns to leave, but I catch his shoulder before he escapes.

"Hold on a minute, are there any rules I should know about? Any desk I should sit at or people to talk to?"

"No. Just take a seat and everything will fall into place. As long as you don't mess it up."

His pep talk does little to my morale, but before I can ask any more questions he's left for his own classroom. I'm now left alone in unknown territory, and I decide that I have no choice but to enter the room and take whatever punishment awaits me. I open the door, and within I see students chatting with each other, slovenly misplaced around the room. Some of them have fairly normal appearances, but others look completely ridiculous. Hair of every color in the rainbow is shaped into impossible styles. Physiques vary from small to large, and some even have strange appendages and protrusions. A startlingly large portion of the girls in the class have large breasts, not that it's anything to complain about. Otherwise, the room looks like a normal high school classroom, although a bit outdated. There's a chalkboard at the front of the class, which is quite a rare sight nowadays. I look around for an empty seat, and as I scan the room a sight makes my eyes lock in place. Over in the far corner of the room, one seat away from the window, I see the girl that I met when I first entered this crazy realm. Realizing the danger of the situation, I attempt to take a seat far away from her, but she notices before I have a chance to make my move. For some reason, she becomes extremely ecstatic, and waves at me to take a seat next to her. Reluctantly, I walk the mile over to the seat next to the window, and I slump down as I stare death in the face. Of course, this doesn't stop miss spaz from eagerly striking up a conversation.

"So you're attending school here? I had absolutely no idea! You look way too old to be a high school student." As usual, she manages to strike a critical blow to me, unaware of her savagery.

With no way to respond to her statement, she continues the conversation herself.

"But that's really amazing, to be put in the same class of someone I just met! If you have any questions, you can come to me for help. Oh yeah! How about I give you a tour of the school when classes are over?"

"I'd much rather stick a needle in my eye." I retort without hesitation.

"Then it's settled! You can count on me!" She replies, not hearing or ignoring my refusal.

I sigh, resting my body on the desk in front of me. As I do this, an older, plain-looking man enters the room, and lays some papers onto the pedestal at the front. Everyone quickly heads to their seats, so I deduce that this man is supposed to be our teacher.

"Okay, so... Today, we have a new student joining us, so please come up to the front of the room to introduce yourself." He announces monotonously.

I shoot up from my reclined position, frozen in terror. My body heats up as a fight-or-flight response is activated within me. No one told me that I would be introducing myself to everyone. At the very least Keima could have mentioned it at some point. The teacher's eyes are fixed on me, and slowly everyone in the room catches on. With no point in idling, I lift myself up along with a heavy weight, and I slowly make my way to the front of the class. The teacher hands me a piece of chalk, and I assume I have to write my name with it. Each letter I write is like a thousand pins and needles in my hand, and with great caution I avoid making any mistakes. Any wrong move in this critical moment could seal my fate forever, so I exercise the same level of skill into my every action. The name "Adam Sandler" boldly presents itself on the chalkboard, and I turn to face everyone. Everyone's eyes are locked on me, eager to eat up whatever presentation I give them, good or bad.

"Uh, hey. My name's Adam Sandler. I'm just a regular guy, trying to make it through school like the rest of you. So let's fight the good fight together. Or something." I deliver my speech, awaiting the results from the crowd.

Silence. Dead silence. I've officially signed my own death warrant.

"Well then, please take your seat Adam Sandler, and we'll begin the lesson." I follow the teacher's orders and set off to take my seat at the back of the classroom.

The trip I take is agonizing as I feel the judgment of my peers weighing down my very soul. As I sit down, a worried Ochaco looks on at me.

"Don't worry about it, I think you did great." Her words do nothing for me, and I resort to burying my face into my desk and arms until the end of class.

* * *

The bell rings, and the students around get up from their seats and disorganize themselves around the classroom. Ochaco initially tries to check on me, but my dreary mood's defences are too strong, even for her, and she eventually succumbs to abandoning me. Time ticks on while I am unable to lift myself up from my desk. Inevitability eventually catches up to me, and I peel myself away from the comfort of apathy to get up and leave the room. Slouched and disconnected from the world, I enter the hallway, no particular goal in mind. My eyes wander aimlessly around, and something off to the left piques my interest. A girl with red hair tied into strange loops is heading down the hall with a serious strut. As my eyes focus on her, I see that she's approaching me specifically, closing the distance hastily.

"I've never seen you here before, so I'll tell you how things work around here. My name is Satanichia Kurumizawa McDowell, and this school will soon fall under my evil reign, so you had better submit and stay out of my way!" The girl rants, a bold claim to be sure.

Before I gather a response, she surprisingly continues into a monologue, going on about ruling the school, supreme evil, and other nonsense. With nothing else to do, I'm left standing there, listening to her incoherent ramblings. Students flash looks our way as they walk through the halls, some whispering to each other as soon as they get out of earshot. Normally this sort of thing might bother me, but considering that I've already hit rock bottom, it doesn't really matter. Out of nowhere, the bell rings once more, startling Stanichia out of her train of thought.

"We'll meet again!" She shouts, running off to her own classroom.

I'm left standing alone, no emotion nor motivation running through me. I sluggishly reenter my classroom, hoping that the prophecy I just received would not come to fruition.


	4. Chapter 4

But unfortunately, my prayers are not answered. Instead, I now find myself sitting in the cafeteria, with Satania (A shortened version of Satanichia, which she insists I use) being more friendly than I would like. For someone who went on about how she would bring terror and destruction, she's nothing more than an idiot. Earlier, I saw her completely beside herself in glee as she lightly jogged down the halls, as thought it were the greatest evil ever committed. And yet, as soon as a teacher called her out on it, she instantly froze and obeyed them. Now I find myself listening to her ramblings yet again, although now she's mostly just venting about being caught red-handed.

"Honestly, who does she think she is, stopping the great Satanichia Kurumizawa McDowell? I swear by Satan that she will be the first servant I make when I take over this school!" Her threats, of course, have absolutely no weight to them.

I try my best to ignore her, focusing on the food that's laid out before me. Apparently called 'tempura udon', it's basically a bowl of noodles with fish in it. Not exactly the kind of meal that I'm used to, but nothing exotic, either. What's really intimidating are the utensils I'll be using – chopsticks. I've never even seen these things in real life, and exactly how the Japanese use them is beyond me. I cluelessly fumble them around in my hands, trying to find some orientation that allows me to clamp them down on my food. My efforts are in vain, and I look like an absolute fool in the process. Eventually, Satania notices what I'm doing, and I suddenly see a gleam in her eye.

"What's that? Have you never used chopsticks before? I guess it can't be helped! Allow me, the great Satanichia Kurumizawa McDowell to show you how it's done!" Her sense of superiority over me is extremely infuriating.

"No thanks." I reply as I resort to lifting the bowl and spilling its contents into my mouth.

Like hell I was going to let this girl mock me, I'd rather die first. I take a good portion of noodles into my mouth and chew and swallow them quickly. I place the bowl down, a smug grin on my face for cleverly circumnavigating my problem. But as I look back over to Satania, I see her with an unusual downcast expression. I didn't think refusing her help would destroy her spirits that effectively, but it's as if I've killed something inside of her.

"Geez, fine! If you want to show me that bad, knock yourself out!"

As soon as she hears this, Satania's eyes light up again with confidence. It's a pain, but at least I'll be able to learn how to use these crazy pieces of wood. As she begins to lecture me, I get a chance to examine her thoroughly without her nonsense driving me to the edge. She's rather short, but apparently the averages for height in Japan are somewhat shorter than in America, anyway. She's such a complete idiot in every aspect that I'm surprised she remembers to breath, but she's not mean spirited in the slightest. I wonder if she really is a demon, or if this is some sort of act she's pulling, as either or seem like likely options around here. Now that I take a good look, I suppose she's kind of cute, as far as beauty goes for cartoons, of course. As I slowly get a grip on getting a grip on my food, I notice Ochaco heading towards us, and I groan ever so slightly.

"Hey, Adam, how do you like the school so far?" She asks, probably trying to cheer me up from before.

"It's alright, I suppose." I reply halfheartedly.

"Well, since we have some time, how about we take a look around the school now? There are some really cool spots I know about!" She beams.

Her enthusiasm has gone from annoying to infuriating. I really don't want to deal with her right now, or ever. She just makes this entire situation I'm in worse than it already is. Before I knew it, all of these emotions started rushing forth from me.

"No, I don't want to go around the school with you. In fact, I don't even want to see you or anyone here ever again! I don't even know why I'm here! 'Transported into anime'? What the heck does that even mean? How does any of this make any sense at all?!"

I slam the table in frustration, startling the two girls next to me. At this point, the entire room is looking at my outrage, but I don't care anymore. I storm out of the cafeteria, trying to pay no attention to the worried looks on Satania and Ochaco's faces. As I go down the empty hallway, a familiar voice calls out from behind me.

"An interesting spectacle, Mr. Sandler. Not sure how it gets you closer to your harem." Q speaks, appearing once more out of nowhere.

"Yeah? Fuck your harem. All this time you've been dragging me around, spouting out bullshit about dating girls, but I've got no idea how this is supposed to help me at all! I didn't even ask to be here, man!"

"It will all be revealed in due time, Mr. Sandler." Q retorts, no change in his ever-euphoric expression.

"In due time? What the hell does that mean? It doesn't matter, anyway! Keep me here for as long as you want, because I'm not doing shit anymore!"

I continue my stride until I end up in the front courtyard of the school. As I head towards the school gate, Q is waiting there, his teleportation getting on my nerves.

"You're making a mistake, Mr. Sandler. You are the protagonist of this story, the harem will naturally gravitate towards you, that's just how it is. The sooner you accept this, the faster you can work towards your harem goal." Q persists.

I leave the school grounds, and yet Q continues to follow me. He continues to try and convince me, but I don't listen to anything he says. Eventually, I end up back at the tree I landed in back when I was first transported to this world. With nowhere left to go and nothing left to do, I slam both fists onto the trunk. I bury my face into the wood, trying to escape this hell I'm in.

"Mr. Sandler-" Q starts, but I quickly cut him off.

"Just knock it off, okay?! You can't convince me to do anything anymore!" I shout.

I get no response, and I drift off into the solace of my own thoughts. All I can hear is the wind rustling the leaves of this tree. This damned tree, this premonition of all the bad things that would end up happening to me, became the target of my anger. I start punching it with all my might, an act of absolute desperation. I punch the bark until my knuckles start to bleed, and soon all the fight left in my body seeps into the ground. I fall to my knees, my despair weighing on me like a ton of bricks. I've completely given up, I don't care what happens anymore. And yet, from the gentle rustling of leaves, I hear a voice call out to me.

"Um, are you alright, Adam? Do you need any help?"

I don't even need to turn around to know who it is. It's the last person I need around me right now. To be honest, I'm not sure if she's even the reason that I'm so angry right now, but I don't even care. Everything I have comes out in a flurry against her.

"Stop following me already! You've been nothing but annoying ever since I met you! I never asked to be your friend, I never asked for your help! Take a hint and leave me alone already!"

I don't look from the tree. I'm not sure when she left, or even how long I stayed at that tree. All time seemed to move too fast and not fast enough. My entire body slowly hunched over, and I curled myself up at the base of the tree. I slowly drifted off to sleep, my mind empty of anything.


	5. Chapter 5

The hues of red and orange hit my eyes as I stare up into the sky. I've ended up flat on my back, the tree I despise still to the left of me. Everything around me is silent, not even the wind is stirring. I try to think of something, but nothing pleasant comes to mind. Everything I've experienced so far in this world has been nothing but painful, so can anyone blame me that I eventually snapped? Despite my justifications, a heavy sensation still rests on my heart. I never turned to look at her, but I can clearly imagine what Ochaco's face looked like when I yelled at her. I suppose I feel somewhat guilty for what I've done, but it doesn't matter anymore. I've made up my mind, and I'm not going to continue these antics any longer. I'll find some way out of this, one way or another. I tilt my head upwards slightly, and when I do I'm met with a face smiling down at me.

"What are you doing?" A girl with blonde hair asks me.

In surprise, I shoot up with a shout, and I quickly turn to face the stranger. Judging by the uniform she's wearing, she goes to the same school as me. She has a somewhat blank look on her face, as if she's waiting to see what I'll do next.

"How long were you staring at me like that?" I inquire.

"I was walking around when I saw you laying there. You seemed like you were really deep in thought or something, so I wanted to know what was on your mind." She replies.

"It's none of your business." I answer cold-heartedly.

"A-ha! It must have been a girl! You were thinking about a girl, right?" She deduces, reading my mind like an open book.

"No way!"

"It is a girl! Do you like her? Did you ask her out? Did she reject you? Does she have a boyfriend already?" She crawls toward me as she lets out her flurry of questions, creating an uncomfortable closeness between us.

"I told you, that's not it! And you're getting really close, so just calm down, okay?"

"Ehhh," she pouts, "Fine, I guess I'll give up. So tell me your name, what's your name?" She requests my name twice, her excitement exceeding even Ochaco's.

"It's Adam Sandler, maybe you've heard of me? I've been in some movies."

"Nope, never heard of you." She says bluntly.

I sigh in defeat. I suppose it's as I feared – my fame has not translated into this world at all. If I'm going to live here, I was hoping that I could use my preexisting filmography to springboard my career. I suppose I'll just have to start from scratch, but I'm sure my talent will be recognized soon enough.

"My name's Karen, I'm actually from Britain, but I came here to study with my friend Alice. I'd love to introduce you to her, and everyone else, too!" She beams.

"Y'know, it might just be what's normal around here, but I've noticed that everyone's really friendly to me. Like, I don't even know you, but you're already trying to get me into your clique. Are you that trusting of a stranger?"

"Hmm, I don't know about everyone else, but I guess for me, it's something like 'I'll help him on his path of love!' or something?" She directs the statement to me, as if I have the power to clarify her thoughts for her.

"Yeah, well, I don't need you to help with anything, so don't worry about it." I turn my back to her, tucking myself into a ball, in an attempt to end the conversation.

"Really? But you're lonely, right? How are you supposed to stop being lonely if you don't let anyone be your friend?"

I freeze. What is this girl, some sort of philosopher? Trying to give some sort of counter-argument, words begin to spill out of my mouth.

"I-I have friends, okay? I'm not lonely at all!" I retort.

"You do?"

"Yeah, tons of friends!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! Really!"

With my back turned, I can't see her reaction, but she seems to ponder what I've said for a while.

"Okay! If that's the case, I'm glad! If you ever change your mind, I'll be waiting to introduce you to everyone!" With that, I manage to catch a glimpse of her running off cheerfully.

I remain in my curled up position, my melancholy resting even heavier on me. Why did I lie to her like that? I was trying to shoo her off me, but am I really lonely? I scan the events leading up to the present, and I soon realize that not only do I not have tons of friends, but I can't even put one person on the list. I'm sure Ochaco would have, but not now, not after the way I treated her. It's true that everyone needs friends, but the pickings around me were fairly slim. Some girl that can float in the air, an idiot who wants to conquer the school, a nerd that does nothing but play dating sims, and worst of all, a Greek god who's named after a letter. Still, I suppose that blonde girl is the most tame in comparison. If I'm going to be forced into niceties with someone, she'll have to do.

"Alright, you win, everyone! I'll go back to school, but don't expect anything from me. I'm not going to go back to the harem plan or anything, got it?" I say to myself, agitated.

I get up off the ground and head back to Keima's house. It might be asking a little too much to have him accommodate me after all this, but trying wouldn't hurt. And when I arrived, to my surprise, he had no issues with it at all. His motives are a mystery to me, but it looks like his games are all that he really cares about. It feels like it would be really easy to take advantage of him, kind of like I've done just now. Or, maybe he's signed some kind of contract where he has to take care of me no matter what happens, in which case I really could take advantage of him. Nevertheless, these thoughts fly away from my mind as I waste away the rest of the day, awaiting my meeting with Karen tomorrow.

* * *

Back at school once more, it's finally time for lunch. The day so far certainly has been an experience, with an awkward atmosphere polluting an otherwise ordinary day. It didn't help that I had to sit beside Ochaco the entire time, whose attitude toward me has severely toned down. We exchanged some pleasantries, but other than that we acted like strangers. In comparison, Satania has not lost any steam at all. I still got stuck in several of her antics, as though I was in some terrible gag routine. Other than those two, I heard some whispers from the other students who witnessed my outburst, but no comments have been made directly to me. This sort of secret gossip is the exact thing I wanted to avoid, but I guess there's no stopping it now. I've taken this beating so far in hopes that meeting Karen today will result in something, but what that something is, I'm still not sure. Of course, all of this won't matter unless I actually manage to find her. I did reject her initially, and when I changed my mind she was long gone. It would have been nice of her to tell me where I could find her, especially in this rather large school. With no direction, I head down the halls, only to hear a familiar voice behind me.

"Hey! Adam!" I turn to see no other than the one I'm looking for.

"Yeah, hi. I was actually lookin' for you, wondering if that offer was still open." I respond.

"Oh, is that so? Changed your mind?" She inquired, quite slyly.

"Hey, I have my reasons, all right? Let's just do this meeting, or whatever."

"Aye aye! Follow me, this way!" She hollered as she chugged down the hall.

Accepting her invitation, I followed along, keeping a certain distance behind. Why I stayed so far behind, I'm not sure, but it's not something I've done exclusively to her. I've noticed before that I seem to 'lean' away from the people of this world, and I guess it's a subconscious defence of some sort. It's only a short walk from my classroom to Karen's, which points out to me that we're in the same grade. That is, of course, if this school works on that kind of system. I've become much more suspicious of things ever since all of this started – I suppose I'm learning to expect the unexpected. With a quick swoosh of the sliding door, Karen opens the classroom to me. Inside I see a few groups of students, and Karen leaves no time for me to deduce which one I'll be mingling with.

"Everyone! He's here! The fake movie star guy!" I react immediately.

"Hey, what's with that introduction!" I yell.

A group of girls next to the windows takes notice of our spectacle. The familiarity in their eyes tells me that they're the people Karen brought me to meet. Four girls make up the group. The first one I notice doesn't seem like a high schooler at all, more like a grade schooler. She has the exact build of a child, even down to her blonde pigtails. There's another girl with black pigtails, yet this one seems much more mature. The other two have short hair, one brown and one... a sort of greenish color. Otherwise, nothing really makes them stick out from the others. There's a certain 'cutesy' style that they all share, like in an art style kind of way, but these sorts of things have become insignificant throughout my time here. We quickly make our way to the other side of the room, and Karen begins introducing me to everyone.

"Okay, so, over to the left here with the brown hair we have Yoko, and next to her is Shinobu. The one with blonde hair is Alice, my friend from England. The serious-looking one is Ayaya."

"I told you before, it's just Aya." Ayaya, or rather Aya, retorts.

As much as I knew that I shouldn't blow my chance with this group, my comedian spirit wouldn't let me pass up this opportunity.

"Ayaya? That's an interesting name. It's catchy, like I want to repeat it over and over. Ayaya, Ayaya!" I begin to chant.

"Ayaya!" Karen and Yoko shout, joining in my antics.

Before I knew it, we were singing 'Ayaya' together like it was some sort of ritual. Aya was helpless under the pressure, and we were left to our devices for sometime. Eventually, our energy died down, and we finished up our introductions.

"My name's Adam Sandler, nice to meet you all." I introduce myself, with a kind of enthusiasm that I can only describe as halfheartedness.

It's not like I wasn't engaged with them or anything, but I guess I felt out of place. Everyone seemed so accustomed to everything and so energetic all the time that it was hard for me to keep up. I guess that's how it's been ever since I came here, though. Maybe if I spend more time with these girls, I'd be able to match this pace that this world seems to have. I suppose it was better than going against the flow, like I have so far. With these feelings in my heart, I find my determination once more. As the saying goes, if you can't beat em, join em. The five of us continue in small talk, and eventually the bell rings, and I'm forced to head back to my class. I wave goodbye to everyone as I leave, and as I do, a sort of weight is lifted from me. I'm not sure what to call it, but I suppose it was something like relief, like maybe living here for a while won't be so bad. I return to my own classroom and I take a seat, the bell rings again, and class begins.


	6. Chapter 6

It's the end of the day once more, and everyone is in the middle of packing up their things. The tension in the air has yet to lift from me, but I feel better than before. Ochaco has already left, our situation unchanged from this morning. I'm torn between wanting to mend things with her, and keep away from her as much as possible. I wish that we could simply go our separate ways, but sitting beside each other for a year isn't going to make that possible. As things are, I'd much rather go through the pain of ignoring her than reignite whatever we had before. As I leave the school and head towards the gate, I see, rather expectedly, Karen, waving at me. It's as I approach her that I notice, somewhat unexpectedly, Satania standing next to her, ranting about her usual nonsense. I groan a bit in my mind, knowing what this kind of encounter will bring. But I've learned to go with the flow with these things, so I end up meeting the two of them. And, as expected, Satania drags me into another one of her rants. We all walk home together, Satania spewing out some plan to become class representative and replace all the diet drinks in the vending machines with regular ones, all the while squirming with delight. This was actually the first time I walked home with these three, and for the most part it seemed we all lived in the same area. Eventually, after hitting a fork in the road, Karen told us that she lived the other way that Satania and I were going. She gave us a quick wave goodbye and ran off, leaving me alone with the little spaz ball. Examining the events leading up to this point, I wouldn't put it past Karen to have set this all up so that I'd be walking home alone with Satania. Any motives I can surmise seem a little far-fetched, though, so I decide to pay my suspicions no mind.

"... And after that, I'll have the entire school in the palm of my hand! What do you think? Pretty devilish, right?" Satania interjects my thoughts with her usual commentary.

What do I think? It's pretty crazy, that's what I think. She keeps going on and on about this stuff, but I don't get why she's so obsessed at all. Is it some sort of phase that kids go through nowadays?

"Honestly, I don't get it all. Why do you have such grandiose dreams of ruling the school and whatnot? Isn't it better to just, I don't know, be a regular student?" I respond.

"Well, of course a mortal would see it that way, but for me, the great demon Satanichia Kurumizawa McDowell, there's no position that's better for me!"

"Calling yourself a demon? That's a new one, actually. I guess you're always making new stuff up, though."

"But it's true. I'm a demon." She replied rather matter-of-fact-like.

"Hey, come on, this whole place is pretty strange, but stuff like that is definitely crossing a line."

"It's true, it's true! I'm really a demon!" She insists.

"Oh yeah, then prove it." I say with a smirk.

For a moment, Satania hesitates, then she begins to ponder something, like she's weighing up benefits and consequences. She then looks at me, somewhat embarrassed.

"I'm not really supposed to do this, but I guess I'll show it to you..." She says sheepishly.

That last part happens to remind me of what Q did when he said the same thing, and I immediately get very worried at what 'it' was going to be. I brace myself, turning my eyes away, afraid of what will happen next. I soon hear a 'woosh', and when I realize that I haven't been harmed in any way, I slowly turn my eyes back to see Satania as normal, except she now had bat-like wings coming out of her back.

"Wings?... You have wings?!" I exclaim.

"I do. I told you, I'm a demon." She answers.

I get up close and begin to examine the wings that seem to be coming out of her back. I run my hands along them, checking their authenticity, although I'm not sure what a real wing feels like from a fake one. I start tugging on them a bit, but they're definitely secured somehow and refuse to become detached.

"Could you not touch them so much? It feels kind of weird..." Satania complains.

"Oh, sorry," I apologize, releasing my grip, "I've seen some weird stuff during my time here, but this is definitely one of the weirdest." Although in hindsight, I should've expected that there would be something as crazy as demons.

Her wings disappear back into her back. For some reason, Satania has been acting rather shy, a stark contrast to her usual self. It's almost as if she's kind of... cute?

"So, do you get it now? Ruling the school is elementary for someone like me!" Satania states, reclaiming her usual composure.

I suppose it's true that this sheds some light on her behaviour, being a minion of evil or what have you. Still, I think taking over a school is a bit more than elementary for her. But I guess it's better this way, since I wouldn't want an actual evil demon trying to take over the world.

"It's kind of a shocker, but I guess it makes sense – you being a demon, that is." I reply.

"Of course it does! I always wondered why you acted so passive to my plans of conquest, but it all makes sense now! All you needed was a little proof! Man, I forgot how simple humans can be!" She continues, her ego visibly inflating. "Alright, I've decided! I'll allow you to be my minion, but you'll have to swear absolute loyalty to me! What do you think? Pretty good deal, right?"

"No thanks." I respond without hesitation.

"But-"

"No thank you, I'm fine." I cut her off.

"It doesn't have to be absolute loyalty, maybe just for 6 days a week?"

"I'm good." I insist, continuing on my way home.

"How about just on the weekdays, then? Wednesday can be a half day, even!" Satania counter-offers, trailing behind me.

"Nope."

"I'll give you all of Wednesday off too, then! And you can have 8 sick days a year!"

This back and forth continues until we reach Keima's house. At this point, the offers have gone from insulting to pointless.

"Just on the first of every other month, then! And that's my final offer, so you'd better take it and be grateful!"

"Oh, look at that, I'm home." I say nonchalantly, a clue to the conversation being over that I'm sure even Satania can pick up on.

Upon hearing my comment, Satania looked flustered, but also somewhat submissive, like a general choosing to retreat to fight another day. She seemed lost in thought for a minute, and continued with a usual retort.

"I get it, you need some time to think it over. No matter! I shall see you at school, when you've come to the obvious, logical conclusion." She proceeds to run off to wherever her own house is, which reminds me that this is a walk home that I'll probably be dealing with often from now on.

I sigh, somewhat fearful of this new commitment Satania is pressing on me. Maybe she'll trip and hit her head and forget all about this, but of course things never work the way I'd like them to here. I walk up to the door and make my way inside. Keima is nowhere to be seen, but of course it's obvious he's locked up in his room playing who-knows-what.

"WELL DONE, MR. SANDLER!" A loud, booming voice congratulates me.

The shock the shout delivered to me was so great that I manage to tumble onto my ass. As I recover from my fall, I see Q towering above me, laughing so loud you could mistake it for thunder.

"What the hell, man?! What are you getting so jolly for?"

"Isn't it obvious, Mr. Sandler? You've just triggered a flag! One of many that you will see on your journey to be a harem king!" Q lectures.

"A flag? What are you talking about?" I inquire, getting up on my feet and tending to my now-sore behind.

"A flag, Mr. Sandler, a flag!" He repeats, "It's when you get closer to a girl than you were before, and you've managed to become closer with Ms. Satania! I knew that you'd have a knack for this!"

"I've gotten closer? What are you talking about?"

"She's opened up to you, you see! A secret! A secret is what she's shared with you!" Q continues to get more cryptic and more excited the more questions I ask, so I decide to just let this be.

"Whatever, I'm going to bed." I say as I head upstairs to my room.

"It's wonderful, Mr. Sandler! I'm looking forward to what you'll achieve in the future!" Q calls out, his pride in me fairly irritating.

I enter my room and close the door behind me. With my back against the door, I slide to the floor, exhausted once more at the day I've had here. I can still hear Q's thunderous laughter from downstairs, but somehow manage to block it out of my mind. Instead, my thoughts point towards Satania, and this supposed 'flag' that I've triggered with her. Now that I think about it, I've never had a real person to visualize as a part of this harem. If I've gotten closer to Satania, has she become a candidate for it? She's crazy and all, but I guess I've started to get used to her. It doesn't seem like she minds me either, in fact, maybe she even likes me. She is kind of cute, and sort of fun to be around in her own way... Ah, but it's all a joke! I've known it from the beginning that there's no way I can do this! So what am I getting all excited for? I roll around on the floor, squirming and cringing, trying to drive away my strange fantasies. Agitated at my wandering mind, I escape to my bed, ready to forget any strange ideas I may have imagined.

"There's no way! Absolutely, definitely, positively no way it's going to happen!" I reassure myself once more.

Yet a seed of doubt still remained within me, a small voice saying,

"...Maybe?"


	7. Chapter 7

Out of all the things that could happen to me today, going to school was something I could never have predicted. Despite it being a Saturday, I was rudely woken up by Keima, who insisted that I would have to attend classes. I was expecting it to be some sort of joke, however the droves of students that followed along side me as I entered the building proved this Saturday school day was real. I still can't understand how a place like this can expect students to spend a half day of school during the weekend. I talked to Keima about it, but he assured me that this was the regular in Japan. What a crazy country! I'd never be able to survive such a strict regimen, at least not when I was in high school. Now the end of the school day, I somehow managed to survive my classes, yet I couldn't consider myself free just yet. There was still the issue of walking home with Satania, who was joyously waving to me from my escape route at the gate. A brief thought of jumping over the wall in an attempt to avoid her crossed my mind, but I have to admit, my less-than-optimal fitness wouldn't accomplish the task. In which case, I had to abandon the idea and commit myself to my fate.

"Aha! We meet again, Adam! So, have you decided to become my-"

"Nope, not at all. Come on, let's just go home today." I cut her off before she can continue down that line of thought again.

Somehow it manages to silence her, and she follows me along the same route as yesterday. Since Karen wasn't joining us today, I was worried that there would be nothing holding Satania back from annoying me. On the contrary, she said almost nothing for the entire trip. This was the quietest I'd ever seen her before, and I was desperate to figure out why. This may have been the most blissful I've been in a long time, and I didn't want it to slip away from me. Once we reached the parting point from last time, I confronted Satania about her sudden change in personality.

"Hey, what's with you today? Usually you're always going on about something, but you've been totally quiet this entire time."

"What? Oh, uh... It's nothing." She replies in a standoffish manner. "More importantly, I wanted to ask you something!"

"I already told you, I'm not becoming your man-servant." I reply preemptively.

"That's not what I was going to ask! You see, tomorrow is going to be your first day off since transferring, so I was thinking that maybe... You know, we could..." As she starts to trail off, I attempt to finish her sentence for her.

"What, you want to show me around town or something?"

"Yeah, exactly! You'll need someone to show you around, so I'll be your-"

"Sounds like a pain, no thanks." I reply plainly, curbing Satania's enthusiasm.

"Oh, I see..." She replies, defeat in her tone.

I was taken aback by her reaction, as I've never seen her give up like this, or give up at all. I didn't think shutting her down would have such an effect, and I couldn't help but feel bad for my actions. It's true that I wasn't interested in being shown around this place, especially not by her, but I suppose it's better than sitting at home not getting anything accomplished. I remind myself of what Q said before about achieving a flag with Satania, and I conclude that this kind of trip would probably result in me getting closer to my goal of a harem. Although, I'm not sure if Satania is the one I want to go down this road with. That being said, no other viable candidates come to mind, so this is probably my only chance at getting home.

"Alright, I'll let you show me around or whatever, just stop moping." I answer.

"Really?! Uh, I mean, of course! I knew you'd come around! I'll meet you at the station at eleven o'clock, so don't be late!"

She runs off joyously, not allowing me to debate the time or location we're meeting at tomorrow. Getting caught up in her pace like this makes me feel like this was a bad idea, but I knew that it wouldn't be any worse than the usual stuff I put up with. Despite her oddities and wild ambitions, Satania wasn't prone to any kind of destructive or illegal behaviour. The worst scenario I can imagine is some insane speech at a restaurant or some other highly-populated area that would garner more than a few confused stares. Now that I was committed to this date, there was no time for rest. I quickly rushed into the house to tell Keima about the news.

"Alright, Keima, I've done it! I've managed to score a date with Satania! I got one of those, what do you call 'em? Fags? Yeah, I got a fag with her!"

"A flag, Adam. It's called a flag." Keima responds coldly, eyes locked onto his game in his hands.

"Oh right, whatever! So, as my mentor you're going to teach me about this right?"

"Teach you? Have you never been on a date before?" His response catches me by surprise, and I get a bit bashful at the accusation.

"What? Of course I have! I just mean that, you know, I gotta make sure she falls in love with me, right? So, I was wondering if there was some secret technique to it. You're an expert at this stuff, after all."

Keima sighs in exhaustion, which is kind of insulting considering my recent accomplishment. He puts his game down – a rare event, indeed – and looks at me with a serious expression.

"Fine, I'll tell you what you have to do to conquer a girl's heart." he adjusts his glasses and stance, consciously trying to make himself look cool, "Every girl has a seed of doubt in her heart, a secret that she doesn't show to strangers or even close friends. So long as she doesn't expose that dark side to you, you'll never be able to make her truly fall in love with you, and your conquest will end in failure. On the other hand, if you get close enough to her, and the timing is right, she just might confide in you her hardest troubles. Your job is to understand them and uproot their doubt, preferably with some deep statement that makes you sound cool." His final line betrays the poetry and seriousness his advice attempts to bring.

"Well, I see what you're getting at, but isn't that just a little too romantic? I don't think that'll slide in the real world."

"As you've probably noticed, Adam, this isn't the 'real world'. Besides, if you don't get romantic, how do you expect to get 100 girls to fall in love with you?"

"Still, you say all this, but how am I supposed to put any of it into practice? How do I get her to open up to me?"

"It's different for everyone, you just have to put yourself out there and figure it out."

Despite learning all of this, I find myself without any tools to make Satania fall in love with me. Normally a man could spare a year or two winning over a girl, but that kind of technique won't cut it with my quota. Well, it's not like I expect myself to acquire a harem anyway, but I'd like to finish this business with Satania as soon as possible. Cutting things off with her at the end of the first date would be ideal, since I don't want to know what dating Satania over a long period of time would be like.

"Here, let's practice a little bit. You be the girl, and I'll be the protagonist." Keima sets up this odd roleplay for us, my role being unsettling to say the least.

"What? Uh, okay? What should I do?" I ask.

"Confide in me your greatest fear or struggle."

I try to think about something that scares me, and almost immediately I know what I would fear the most.

"You see, Keima... What I'm most worried about is... That one day, I'll wake up and I won't be famous anymore!" I express my feelings to Keima, attempting to fit the role of an innocent school girl.

Keima stares at me blankly, a silence filling the room. I wait for a response, slowly becoming more embarrassed from what I just said.

"... Adam, if you're not going to take this seriously, then you're doomed for failure." Keima finally responds.

"What do you mean?! I am taking this seriously!" I hastily defend myself.

"Well, whatever, I'm sure you'll figure it out. Maybe." Keima mentions as he returns to his game.

"Hey, what's with that 'maybe'?! Ah, forget it!" I head off to my room in a heat.

Flopping onto the bed as usual, I look towards sleep to wash away my daily pains. Now that I think about it, tomorrow is just a short rest away, and I haven't had any time to prepare myself for a date. I don't have any nice clothes or cologne or anything. I guess this date isn't serious enough to warrant anything like that anyway. But putting those worries aside, something is still nagging me about this date. It's a feeling like I'm out of control, or like when you've got a doctor's appointment where he's going to stick his finger in your ass or something. It kind of feels like I'm... nervous, maybe? Wait, no way, no way! I'm not nervous about a date with Satania!

Not at all!


	8. Chapter 8

The sky is nearly clear, the sun shining brilliantly without even the rare obstruction from clouds. The blue expanse is stroked white with thin clouds to give it a pleasing pattern that one could explore for hours. The wind blows gently at almost predictable intervals, fading away the slight warmth that grows in its absence to give a consistent cooling sensation. Indeed, today was a perfect day for a date, and Satania was waiting for such a date to begin. She was standing in front of the station, as we had previously agreed. This was the first time I was seeing her in an outfit besides her usual school uniform, and I have to say it was a pleasant surprise. She was wearing a white t-shirt that hung off one shoulder and jean hot pants with a cotton-like hemline, attire much unlike the bizarre demonic garment I half-expected. It would surely be criminal to keep a girl like that waiting, or at least that's what a bystander would say if they saw me, as I'm currently hiding several feet away from her view. Ever since I woke up today, I've been apprehensive about going on this date, and seeing Satania made the situation much too real for me, and I ended up getting cold feet. There's a serious dread about this that I feel inside, like something bad is going to happen.

"You say that, but aren't you just nervous?" Q's voice quizzed behind me.

His sudden appearance startles me, even though I should be used to it by now.

"You, what are you doing here? And of course not! How could that be the case?!" I reply, "Wait, how did you know that? Are you reading my thoughts now?"

"Ahh~ Mr. Sandler, your excuses are starting to falter – you truly are a tsundere, aren't you?" Q simply ignores my accusation.

"Tsundere? What? Anyway, why don't you mind your own business for once?"

"Don't be so harsh, Mr. Sandler, I've only come to assist you. You're already late, right? About 30 minutes late. It would be a shame to keep Satania waiting for so long."

"Ghk." I gripe, "Well, I guess being late won't help anything."

"You don't have to be so tense, I will be keeping watch over you two the entire time."

"Why doesn't that ease me at all? Fine, fine, do whatever you want."

"Good luck, Mr. Sandler!" And with a farewell, he disappeared from sight.

I groan in my mind as I look back over to Satania, looking at her watch and appearing a bit worried. It's kind of amazing that she even stayed around this long, and I suppose I shouldn't test her patience any longer. With a deep breath I emerge from my hiding spot and begin casually walking towards her. It doesn't take long for her to notice me, he face lighting up like I was a waiter with a long-awaited dish. She began frantically waving at me and I responded in kind, albeit much less enthusiastically as she alone was drawing enough attention for the both of us. It would be great if everyone could disappear so that they wouldn't see me in public with this girl.

"You're late! What took you so long?" Satania complained.

"Uh, I got stuck in a tree?" I responded, my mind recalling old memories.

"Eh? How does that even happen?"

"It's a long story, but I'm here now, so it doesn't matter. In any case, you were going to show me around, right? So, let's get on with it, let the tour begin! Where's the first stop?" I'm hasty to get through the small talk and start this day-plan so that it can end that much sooner.

It seems that Satania has mistaken my haste for enthusiasm, as she gets even more jittery than before.

"Of course, of course! Today, the great Satanichia Kurumizawa McDowell shall be your tour guide!"

She walks off, assuming that I'll follow behind her, all the while refusing to stop her ramblings. After a moment's hesitation I decide to trail behind, intentionally leaving some distance between us should I have to make a getaway for whatever reason. When I agreed to do this with Satania, I wasn't really sure what to expect. She might be insane, but she isn't exactly incompetent, and she seemed pretty confident in her tour guide abilities. That being said, Satania acts over-confident in all her endeavours, so I wasn't about to get my hopes up. The day goes on, and while I have no benchmark to compare it to, I have to admit that Satania was living up to her role well. She showed me various key locations around the city, like the shopping district for grocery shopping, an arcade, as well as karaoke bars, which she insists are very popular here. Satania also provided some history on various cultural sites like statues, shrines, and even an old castle. She even points out various landmarks and streets that are easy to find should I ever get lost. As I follow her around town, I actually find myself having fun. Satania, to my surprise, manages to be good company when she's occupied with something other than world conquest. If she were to always be like this, someone could actually fall in love with her. But her own charms aside, this date was about making her fall in love with me. As enjoyable as this day has been, I don't have much drive to repeat it in order to find Satania's 'seed of doubt'. Before I left the house today, Keima explained this concept to me further so I wouldn't screw up this opportunity.

"Listen up, Adam," Keima had begun, "finding this girl's seed of doubt is a matter of opportunity, waiting for the right moment to strike. It seems you've been making good progress, so I'm sure it will appear for you sometime today. When that opportunity arises, you have to make sure you drive away all the doubt in her heart. If you don't, you'll just be setting yourself back."

"Setting myself back? Wait wait wait, you mean I'll have to work myself back to where I am now? How long is that going to take?" I responded.

"Hard to say, but maybe a few weeks, depends on how badly you mess up."

"A few weeks?! Are you kidding me?! You know you're asking me to do this a hundred times, right?!"

"Well, all the more reason to not mess it up now." Keima countered coldly.

I could have done without the added pressure, but his words have kept me on my toes today. So far, I haven't seen anything that looks like a seed of doubt. As Keima described it, I'll be looking for a moment where the air gets heavy and Satania stops acting like her usual self, although her new-found responsible attitude is already very out of character. For now, it seems I'll simply have to bide my time.

"Oh, here! This is the place." Satania comes to an abrupt halt, pointing at a posh building only slightly out of place, "You're getting tired, right? We can stop in here and relax for a while!"

As I examine the place further, I observe that it's a cafe of some sort. A sign at the entrance reads "Rabbit House", a name that lacks any maturity or adult-grasping appeal. This, along with Satania's excitement, leads me to believe that she's reverted back to her hyper and immature self. I can sense with certainty that this place will make you dress up in some stupid hat or sing some insufferable song. Worst of all, I would be the one playing chaperone to my date, and any sort of possible physical, mental, or societal standing damages would fall upon me to pay for. Such thoughts terrify me, but as much as I desire to keep away from this place, I know refusing one of Satania's desires now will only lead to the grim fate Keima described earlier. Gritting my teeth, I force myself to respond with something that resembles excitement.

"Looks lovely, can't wait to see the inside!" I expunge the words through my teeth.

Satania hastily heads to the entrance, with me straggling behind. As we enter, I can't help but shut my eyes and wince in preparation for whatever was waiting behind this door. After a few seconds go by without any harsh stimuli, I cautiously open my eyes to see what lay before me. Shockingly, the place was eloquent, and looked exactly how you'd expect a cafe to look. To the left of the entrance, Booths are neatly placed along the wall, while regular tables line the right wall. The booths share a fenced-off area with several tables, ultimately leading in to the bar with stools along the counter. Fans drowsily rotate on the ceiling with lamps that give a warm glow. Windows surround the interior, letting in a comfortable sunlight that, along with the lack of customers, gives the entire place a sleepy feel. It's the kind of place that gains its charm in being a secret getaway rather than a popular, talk-of-the-town hangout. The design of the cafe stuns me so much that I barely notice when one of the staff comes up to welcome us.

"Welcome!" A bubbly waitress announces our arrival, "A table for two?"

The girl has shoulder length brown hair and purple eyes. Her uniform was high-class like the cafe interior, with a large bow resting across the chest.

"Right, exactly! One of those booths would be best!" Satania interjects, and thankfully so as I was too dumbfounded to say such words to the waitress myself.

We're led to the nearest booth, soon becoming the only seated customers in the cafe.

"My name is Kokoa, I'll be your waitress today." She introduces herself as she hands us our menus.

I glance at the selection for a moment, but my gaze is still fixated on the beauty of this place. This must be the first time I've felt normal since coming here, and that alone has made this entire day worthwhile. As I continue looking around, I notice that there are two other staff members floating about. They're dressed in the same outfit as the first girl yet in different colours. One is clearly a younger girl with light, straight hair, and the other is a more mature looking girl with dark hair tied in twin tails. The two of them are chatting away behind the counter, obviously with nothing better to do due to lack of business. Every once in a while one of them will glance over at our table, examining our situation as though something were to or should have happened. I wasn't sure what they were expecting of us, since as far as I'm aware we didn't look like shady or otherwise troublesome people. Or, maybe it was something else that they were looking for? A quick survey didn't reveal anything out of place, like a loose ceiling fan placed dangerously above us or some conspicuous individual peering in from the window. The only other thing worthy of any attention was our waitress, which made me become highly suspicious of her. Since we entered, I had assumed that everything would be normal, but I was starting to think if I had lowered my guard just a little too early. After all, if anything strange were to happen, a normal-looking place like this was the perfect stage. My lax attitude quickly gave way to a silent paranoia as I couldn't keep myself from glancing around for whatever surprise that might sneak up on me. Satania, however, was completely at ease, making small talk as she decided on what to order. I gave the bare minimum responses needed to uphold the conversation, still somewhat aware that I had a date that had to go well. Since I had yet to make a selection from the menu myself, I reluctantly lowered my guard to quickly skim the choices available. I hadn't been to many cafes before today, but I knew that what I was looking at was pretty standard stuff. A few interesting names catch my attention, and while I didn't really mind whatever I ended up with, I decided that I might as well try something I've never tried before. Who knows? Maybe picking something exotic will impress Satania and get me some points with her.

"Are you ready to order yet?" The bubbly waitress reappears, accurately sensing that we've made our decisions.

"I'll take the London Fog, thank you." I announce, hoping that the name will give me some air of class or elegance.

"Oh, is that so?" Satania quizzes herself, "Hmmm, I never really decided on anything, so I'll take the same!"

Ah, I guess it was foolish of me to think that Satania, the airhead she is, would put in enough thought to make a choice herself, much less be impressed by my own. At the very least we ended up ordering the same thing, so hopefully we'll both end up either liking or disliking it. Kokoa quickly writes down our orders and skips away to the counter. We're able to clearly hear her yell out our order to the other two girls who have now been given work for their idle hands. Watching them get down to business so quickly is actually quite impressive, telling you that these girls take their work very seriously. I suppose I was too hasty in assuming something weird was going to happen, and I quickly allow myself to relax again. I even manage to enjoy some chatter with Satania, who's managed to match the calm atmosphere I've come to love. As the exclusive customers to this establishment, our orders are quickly prepared and delivered to us. Any time that should have been spent waiting for our drinks was blissfully whisked away, and I was shocked to remember that there was something we were waiting for. Our cheerful waitress lays our drinks before us, her smile beaming warmly all the while. A London Fog, perhaps matching its familiarity-inducing name, is simply made with Earl Grey tea combined with vanilla and steamed milk. As I take a sip, I feel all my anxieties leading up to this moment slip away. It's as though none of this ever happened, like I'm back in the real world and everything makes sense again. It's a blissful cup of tea, and yet before I know it I'm staring at the dry bottom of porcelain. It's a kind of bitter twang that stuns me into realizing my unfortunate situation again, stuck here with no reasonable way out. I begin to sulk in my misfortune, which Satania happens to pick up on after finishing her own drink.

"What's wrong? Did you not like it or something?" She asks worriedly.

"Oh, no, it's nothing, the tea was fine, it was good." But despite my best efforts, I was unable to shake off my downcast mood.

"I see..."

The air between us suddenly becomes heavy, which makes me become alert. I realize that this was the kind of situation I've been looking for this entire day, and I couldn't allow it to slip away. My mind rushed to figure out what my next move was going to be, but everything I came up with seemed lack-lustre. The only safe, reasonable choice I could think of was to ask, "is something wrong?" It was a line that I was sure had little chance to succeed, but if things get anymore awkward right now, failure was going to be guaranteed. With my heart racing, I attempt to force the words out of my mouth.

"Satania, is- is somethi-"

"Are we finished already? Would you like the bill?" As if some kind of a deus ex cockblock, our waitress reappears to dispel any tension near her person.

An interesting kind of anger and disdain combined with a bittersweet relief filled within me. My one opportunity to cleanse Satania of her doubt was unrightfully stolen from me, but despite my initial fury, I couldn't help but let it go. This entire date was already a long-shot to begin with, and I wasn't about to make any swift moves anytime soon. It kind of felt like fate was guiding me through this, saving me from the embarrassment I was dreading right from the start. Crestfallen, all I can utter back is,

"Yes, please."

Our table is quickly cleared, symbolic of my good mood being ripped away from my hands. I stare at nothing in particular, looking as though I'm fixated on the wood patterns of the table. I find a melancholic solace in loosing my senses, letting my limbs slack and my mind empty. It's an oddly comforting state, in which I can't help but chuckle slightly at my predicament. Just as I was about to lose my grip on reality entirely, a loud yelp wakes me from my trance. I quickly whip my head around towards the source, which would be our waitress that had just left with our dishes. For whatever reason I didn't have time to deduce, our dishes were now in the air and Kokoa was on her way to face-plant the floor. Shocked and unprepared, I couldn't do much besides watch the travesty unfold. As I waited for the iconic sound of crashing dishes, I caught a blur of motion from the corner of my eye. As soon as I had focused on where the anomaly was, it had already moved to the edge of my sight again. Before I knew it, every cup and plate that was once in the air had now vanished. Bewildered, I centred my view on what I thought I knew for sure, which was our falling waitress, and yet I was even more shocked when I found her stalled mid-fall. After a few seconds of processing, I noticed the twin tail girl had moved from her previous spot up to our seats. In one hand she held Kokoa back from falling to the floor, and in the other were our dishes neatly and ominously well-ordered on a serving tray. Now understanding the situation, I couldn't help but clap in awe of the twin tailed girl's amazing save, with Satania following in turn. To someone else, this sort of development may not mean much, but to me it was like a bad omen being dispelled. Not just during this cafe visit, but during this entire date I was waiting for something bad to happen. It was a prophecy I was used to at this point, and I knew this blunder was supposed to be its fulfillment. Luckily, this girl must have been aware of this as well, as she was ready for this exact accident to occur. In fact, everything was going eerily smoothly today, like a godly force was guiding this date down its best route. These curiosities brought me back to the beginning of my date, where I remembered my meeting with Q. I hadn't thought about it since, but I recalled his assurance that he would watch over me today. I was somewhat dismissive to him, but how thankful I was to him now! There was no doubt in my mind that everything had gone as hoped thanks to his support. Exactly how he was helping was still a mystery, but I, more than most, was aware of his strange and senseless abilities. If it means getting the protection of a demigod, then I suppose going on these dates with a bunch of girls wouldn't be so bad. After a short session of apologies from the staff, we paid the bill and continued on with the city tour. There weren't that many locations left to visit, and by the time they were concluded the sun was already setting upon us. The day had passed us by completely, and I can even say it was the most fun I've had in a long while. As we headed home, whether it was intentional or coincidental, we passed by a river bank with a nice view of the light orange sky. While we were going down the path, following the water's flow, Satania turned on her heel to face me.

"And with that, Satanichia Kurumizawa McDowell's Tour has officially ended." She concluded with a bow, "So, what did you think? Pretty good, even for me, right?"

"I have to admit, I enjoyed it a lot. Thank you for bringing me along." I answer with a bow of my own.

"Yeah! I had a lot of fun, too! So, how do I say it? I'm really glad I got to spend today with you!"

This catches me off guard, as Satania doesn't usually hold anyone but herself in such high regard. Her flattery actually gets to me a little, and I can't help but turn away a bit as I start to blush. But, it's still weird that she's gone to all this trouble for me. I guess this all confirms that she has feelings for me, but why did she even develop these feelings in the first place?

"You know, I haven't really questioned it before, but why are you so attached to me? Why did you even approach me in the first place? Ever since we've met, I've been really dismissive with you, and yet you've continued to persist." All this comes forward, perhaps a bit too bluntly.

I worry that Satania might take offence to this, but instead her gaze floats to the ground. She turns towards the river, giving a heartfelt response to my questions.

"Well, I don't really get it myself, to be honest. That day in the hall, I'd never seen you before, so I decided to talk to you. I know you found me annoying, but at the same time, you were never mean to me. I guess I kind of knew you were a good person? Ehehe." She trails off into a light laugh.

I wasn't sure what to make of this, as I never did anything this grandiose for Satania. It's obvious she wasn't lying about how she felt, but she definitely misjudged me as a source of some positive influence. Before I could start denying what she said, Satania continued her confessions.

"Sometimes people try to make distance with me because they don't like me. I guess it's because I've got all these big goals to conquer Earth and stuff. Maybe it's a bit stupid, but I don't want to give up just because other people say it's stupid."

As she said this, a chord within me was struck. It took me back to a place before I was taken here, in fact, it was the reason I came here in the first place. I realized that Satania and I had more in common than I thought, and I couldn't help the rant that rushed from within me.

"I get that! I totally do! That feeling when someone says you should give up or that your image is stupid! I had to deal with it all the time, too! People would always say I should give up with my movies, but I say to hell with them! If you've got big dreams, then you should do your best to make them come true! You have to keep pushing forward, otherwise you'll regret it for the rest of your life!" I can't help myself as my emotions drive me like I'm possessed, and Satania quickly gets infected with my enthusiasm.

"Yeah... Yeah, exactly! You can't give up, no matter what anyone says! What matters the most is that you believe in yourself!"

"That's right! No matter what, you have to keep fighting! Fight, fight, fight!"

"Fight, fight, fight!"

Our chanting continues back and forth between us, pumping our fists in the air with each yell. I feel a deep and energetic connection with Satania, one that I've not felt in a long time, not even back in the normal world. I honestly can't help myself as I get more pumped with every 'fight!' I let out. To anyone passing by, we'd look like idiots, but it's the least of my concerns. As our arms get tired and our lungs sore, we slowly dial ourselves down. Eventually, we're staring face-to-face in silence, huge grins on our faces. We burst into laughter, a final release of the energy we managed to pump ourselves up with. At long last we compose ourselves, maintaining huge smiles that refuse to go away.

"Honestly, we're so silly. But, I don't mind it one bit, Adam. After all, that's what I love about you so much!" Satania says, casually and yet passionately confessing her love to me.

...Wait, a confession? Did she really just confess to me? I definitely heard that right, right? So that means I did it?! The date was a success after all?! Before I could celebrate my victory, a black, smokey-like substance ejected like a rocket into the sky from Satania's body. The force from it was so strong I had to brace myself from being knocked over. The geyser of dark energy quickly dies down, and relaxing my body in turn, I see Satania, who is completely unaffected and unaware of what happened. Actually, saying she's unaffected is untrue, as her smile is beaming even brighter than it was before. It was almost as if she was radiating light, like a miniature star made its home in that expression of hers. I really don't want to say it, but in that moment, she truly looked beautiful.

"Well, see you at school tomorrow!" Satania skips off with a strangely dignified aroma.

I can't help but stare until Satania's fully out of sight, something about her so bewitching that I couldn't look away. Eventually, I lose track of her, and I'm left standing alone in my mind. I try to think of something, anything, but all that's left of my thoughts is a blank, white space. Everything in me shuts down, and I lose track of time for a moment until a foreign speculation fills my mouth.

"I did it..." It comes out as a whisper, to which I respond with a shout, "I did it! I got her seed of doubt!" I throw my fists into the air in victory.

"You did do it, Mr. Sandler! I always knew you could!" Q appears behind me, a mysterious appearance as always.

"Ah, Q! Yup, it was a fantastic success! Man, with your help, this stuff is a breeze!"

"My help? Whatever could you mean?" Q asks puzzled, a rare state for him.

"No need to act all humble about it, I know you've been pulling off your crazy, body-builder magic or whatever. I owe it to you for saving the day."

"Mr. Sandler, I did say I'd watch over you today, but that's all I did. Besides, I don't have the authority to use my powers to assist you on your conquest."

"Wait, hold on, so you're telling me that everything went so well because of random chance?"

"I'm saying it was you who did it, Mr. Sandler. You should have more confidence in yourself, you did conquer the first girl to your harem, after all."

As Q spoke, the full gravity of today's events slowly came to my understanding. Perhaps because I was so on edge all the time, and because of Satania's unexpected confession, I failed to realize that I was essentially making Satania my girlfriend today.

"Oh my god, you're right, Satania confessed to me. What do I do now? I don't want to go out with her, not for real!" I begin to panic as I imagine a lengthy, intimate relationship with Satania.

"Oh, Adam, so disingenuous with your feelings. Or, perhaps you're just nervous about your first girlfriend?" Q chuckles.

"Hey, she's definitely not my first, okay? I'm being serious here, because forget an entire harem, how am I supposed to manage someone like Satania on such a close and constant basis?"

"You say 'someone like Satania', but what is it that makes her so unbearable to you, anyway? After all, you seemed to have a good time today."

"That's, well..." I can't help but trail off, no counter-argument coming to mind.

It's true that I found Satania annoying most of the time, but I couldn't lie about genuinely enjoying myself today.

"I suppose there's nothing really wrong with Satania, but she gets on my nerves too much." I think aloud to Q.

"Then maybe it's not her that should change, but you, Mr. Sandler?" He replies.

"Change? What do I need to change?"

"Hmmmm... I suppose so, there's truly nothing to be done here." Q submits, although using strange wording to do so, "Do not worry about Satania, she did confess, but it's not as though you accepted. Now that you've completed this route, you can move on to the next one without carrying around any previous emotional baggage. It might be too much to explain right now, but you can think of it as though she's been struck by amnesia. By tomorrow, things will be relatively the same."

Before I could inquire further, Q disappears, forcing me to take his words as-is. I sigh, although it's without the usual melancholy that accompanies me daily. Looking to the still-setting sun, I benevolently replay the day in my head. I look upon all the events with satisfaction, but the one that derives the most pleasure is Satania's confession. It did feel good to be confessed to, and furthermore it reminded me of the accomplishment I set out for today.

"One down, ninety-nine to go, I suppose." I joke to myself lightheartedly, beginning my trip back home.


End file.
